JOKES

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana, and asks the bartender for a beer.
"I'm sorry, but here in Billings, we don't serve beer to bears in bars," replies the barkeep.

"Look man, I just want a beer," says the bear.

"Can't help you. In Billings, we don't serve beer to bears in bars."

"Dude, just gimme a fucking beer!"
The bear starts to get angry.

"No. Look, go somewhere else. A different city. Not in Billings. No beer for bears in bars."

"Motherfucker, I will eat that woman at the end of the bar if you don't give me a beer."

"No no, you don't wanna do that. But I'm telling you, I can't serve you any beer in this bar, Bear. This is Billings, Montana, and we don't serve your kind here."

The bear walks over to the woman and eats her. Proud, he walks back to his seat and sit's down. "Now gimme a fucking beer, or you're next."

"We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, especially if they're on drugs."

"What," exclaims the bear, "I'm not on drugs!"

"That was a bar bitch you ate."

Two antennas met on a roof. They fell in love and decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much, but they had one helluva reception.

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"Shoot him again."
"What for?"
"His soul is still dancing. HAHAHA!"

Two engineering students were biking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a good bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'".

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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So when you get to Heaven, may the Devil be your judge.

HAY GUYZ, you can still post in this thread, I just moved it to Words Absurd. That doesn't mean it contracted interwebs cholera or anything.

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"God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing."
— C.S. Lewis

site :: wish list :: twitter

Yeah but no one ever checks this place. Which makes me sad. I see why it got moved, though. At least it isn't in the Dumbass Parade.

What is purple and commutes?

An Abelian Grape!

So this frail little nerdy accountant is sent to jail for (insert white collar crime here), but he's bunked with a cellmate that's the huge, tattooed, mean type probably in for some sort of beating another human being. And on their first night as cellmates, the big feller says to the scared little accountant, "I feel like having sex. You can pick: would you rather be the husband, or the wife?"

"Well," says the accountant, "If I get to pick, I guess I'd rather be the husband."

The big feller says, "All right. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."

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So when you get to Heaven, may the Devil be your judge.